Today is Thursday,it is late afternoon, and I feel like I am just getting my day started.
It is cloudy and misty outside, inside not much happening either! I am trying to clean up this mess, but it is harder than it seems, so much to go through. That is another story, you won't want to miss, "My Hoarding."
Today, I have cleaned up the house, helped my husband in the garage, that is where he works out of. He tells me, this is important and I need your help and you have to listen...God, he talks to me like I am a child. I hate that, like yesterday, minding my own business, raking up near my huge rose bush, tree and he comes along and says, don't take all the dirt out of there! I am like, what, isn't there more dirt in the ground? No, just don't take too much, and then I said, I want to clean up all these petals from the rose bush, don't worry about it he says, and all I want to do is make the grounds of our home presentable to his customers. Don't worry about it, it will decompose anyways. That wasn't my issue, I like to garden it helps me relax.
Today is now Friday, I will close this one, but that one issue & then one over a potato, went on until midnight was the last time I looked at the clock...
I put this link below for whom ever wants to read about the summer solstice, which tells us when that happens, how we are going to react and what we should do and be aware of. And as she mentions, the year is half over what are you going to do now?
http://www.blogher.com/node/448120
Friday, June 24, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Confused
Confused!
That is the word for me lately. I have no idea what to write, things are confusing right now for me and I am not sure why. Well, perhaps it has to do with the way I live, or the way I am not living. I have major chronic depression and anxiety. I was put on meds about 5 years ago, well, as you and I can tell, they are not working. I have stopped 2 of them and the DR said to stay on the Prozac. I feel it is not working! I hate to do the med shuffle and those type of meds make you blow up like a balloon, no matter how much you exercise or diet. So, that makes me depressed also. Why can't they just make a med, that works with your seritonin and makes you normal again, normal meaning happy, not sad everyday. OK, can you tell by now, I have no clue what to write about, except my issue of wanting to be happy. Do you think being happy is just a place in your mind, a place you can go and leave? I wish I could just get there by opening a door, or a box, or car or plane, but I can't.
I am back now, I had to go see my mom. I think as I leave how I have been feeling lately and I think of her, she just lays there in bed can't walk and can't get up.
I looked over at the Hospital today and all of those windows to those patients rooms and thanked God, I wasn't in there sick again. Then I sit and think, I can see, smell, hear and talk. I can walk, run & ride a bike. I can do many things, just confused on how to start for some reason. Part of the depression I guess or the meds, who knows.
I have been thinking even though I am going through this (confusion state) I am in, I am going to try to put things together and just do something! Perhaps working in my flower bed...or perhaps a walk, OMG, I am sooo confused, I can't even decide on what to do or where to go.
That is the word for me lately. I have no idea what to write, things are confusing right now for me and I am not sure why. Well, perhaps it has to do with the way I live, or the way I am not living. I have major chronic depression and anxiety. I was put on meds about 5 years ago, well, as you and I can tell, they are not working. I have stopped 2 of them and the DR said to stay on the Prozac. I feel it is not working! I hate to do the med shuffle and those type of meds make you blow up like a balloon, no matter how much you exercise or diet. So, that makes me depressed also. Why can't they just make a med, that works with your seritonin and makes you normal again, normal meaning happy, not sad everyday. OK, can you tell by now, I have no clue what to write about, except my issue of wanting to be happy. Do you think being happy is just a place in your mind, a place you can go and leave? I wish I could just get there by opening a door, or a box, or car or plane, but I can't.
I am back now, I had to go see my mom. I think as I leave how I have been feeling lately and I think of her, she just lays there in bed can't walk and can't get up.
I looked over at the Hospital today and all of those windows to those patients rooms and thanked God, I wasn't in there sick again. Then I sit and think, I can see, smell, hear and talk. I can walk, run & ride a bike. I can do many things, just confused on how to start for some reason. Part of the depression I guess or the meds, who knows.
I have been thinking even though I am going through this (confusion state) I am in, I am going to try to put things together and just do something! Perhaps working in my flower bed...or perhaps a walk, OMG, I am sooo confused, I can't even decide on what to do or where to go.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Happy Birthday to ME
Well, today is my birthday! Am I excited, NO. I am usually depressed on my birthday, I thought that today, perhaps would be different. I thought "Hey, we have been having a very difficult and complicated time in our marriage lately," so I thought, if anytime or anything is going to get better today would be the day he would might do something special, for me. Right? NOT... I don't ask for much, actually I didn't ask for anything, that is just what I got too, nothing, zilch, zip, notta, nothing! Not even a card. I even woke up alone this morning, we are sleeping separate lately, my choice. That is another story, but after 3 years of being lonely, (and in bed) I thought that doing that might give him a hint that I am so tired of the way we have been living for the past 3 years. ANYways, it is now 4 pm, I have sat here all day, he knows that I want to do something and he mentions " well, I thought that You mentioned about doing something tomorrow?" I did, but, my goodness, I thought, he would at least get me a birthday card, at the very least...
Well, I just got back from going on a walk. We went for a walk in a familiar place actually I often, but I haven't been there in about a month or so, it is very very beautiful and quite, except for today. We got caught in a severe thundershower with hail the size of a golf ball! I got my exercise in running through the woods and trails to get to the car, the hail actually hurt my shoulders when I was running.
After we got home we cooked a couple of lobsters and had some clams. I guess that is better than nothing. No, he didn't get me a mushy card or any card for that matter, no, I didn't get a gift, he says, us spending a day without fighting is a gift enough, or something in those line of words. But, anyways, I am a year older, not another year wiser, but I will figure things out in time. Time, WOW, just thinking, how fast my life has really gone!
+
Well, I just got back from going on a walk. We went for a walk in a familiar place actually I often, but I haven't been there in about a month or so, it is very very beautiful and quite, except for today. We got caught in a severe thundershower with hail the size of a golf ball! I got my exercise in running through the woods and trails to get to the car, the hail actually hurt my shoulders when I was running.
After we got home we cooked a couple of lobsters and had some clams. I guess that is better than nothing. No, he didn't get me a mushy card or any card for that matter, no, I didn't get a gift, he says, us spending a day without fighting is a gift enough, or something in those line of words. But, anyways, I am a year older, not another year wiser, but I will figure things out in time. Time, WOW, just thinking, how fast my life has really gone!
+
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)