Releasing Some Random Thoughts

Hello, glad you stopped by, I really need a friend right about now, and the only one here is my husband, but as my counselor says " I thought friends liked each other and got along?".  I probably should just tell you now, that the reason there are no friends around is because I have this trust issue with people and for years I just don't trust anyone.  I have to tell you that it didn't just happen over night though. 
It's about time that I just let everything out and start from the beginning. 
Ok, well, first things first.  I started this about mid August and have been so depressed, I just didn't bother to keep up with it.  Have you ever felt you were being so dragged down with so many negative emotions as well as negative physical symptoms? And when so many things at one time come at you, you feel you are going to crash?  When I say crash, I am explaining how I feel when to much is happening to often.  Any hopes or dreams I had are now gone.  Have you ever felt that you mentally or physically just can't keep it together?  There are too many things going on in my life at the moment & my family is not helping the matter at all.  I can't take much more.
My mom screams at me because she feels I shouldn't be outside working in the yard, but, I have to get out at least once a week. I would of been declared insane long time ago if I stayed in this house seven days a week.  And, when I say "my mom would yell at me," I am not a teen or in my twenties, I am almost 49!  Like right now, I just boxed up 3 totes of beautiful clothing that I bought through the years that do not fit and have kept them in hopes someday they may fit again, I was smart to put the date on each tote when they were packed, I figured after one year and they still don't fit, I will toss or donate them, maybe. That is why my mother yells, like the totes I just mentioned I dragged to the attic and now my back is at a 10 in pain. Perhaps she does care, but that is another story to blog about. 
I have had chronic pain for 24 years.  I really am not suppose to do much, 24 years ago the specialist that I went to see at the request of my Dr. and he told me so many things not to do, one such as sweeping a floor.  At that time, I was in my twenties and I have to say, when Dr's tell you this or that and you are young (at least for me) I didn't take it seriously.  I definitely should have because now the MRI's I had recently shows the wear and tear of doing things, like sweeping the floor.  I didn't listen to the Specialist back 20+ years ago and now have no cushions in between my discs, the correct medical term is called the inter vertebral discs.  Again, that is another blog and that one is called My Chronic Pain Story.  I have the blog, but haven't started it yet.  I want  to say if you are reading this and you have a back problems, please listen to your Doctor because there are reasons for what they are saying to you!  Trust Me...